Waves of advice for self-care
When we look outward at the rapid changes and rising risk levels of the world, we are also - even if we don't realize it - always looking inward
I'm no shrink. But as I've listened to how leaders from different contexts have learned to take care of themselves, I've noticed an evolution. This evolution is evident in my own journey - looking back on my younger years at my own starting points for self-awareness (not great) and self care (pretty harsh on myself and others), and comparing them to what I think and do now.
As described in past S3T explainers like Flip the Script, narratives are powerful. Whether these are internal narratives running in our own thoughts, or narratives believed by an entire industry, we can improve the quality of our decisions, investments and life-success by noticing and evaluating the narratives that are influencing our thoughts and actions.
Why this matters now: looking outward = looking inward
When we look outward at the rapid changes and rising risk levels of the world, we are also - even if we don't realize it - always looking inward and making projections:
- what we think will happen to us, where that will leave us, and
- what it will mean about our worth, or intelligence, or future prospects.
It is very hard to separate the outward observation from inward projections about our needs and how they will or will not be met. These inner narratives enable or interfere with clear thinking and decision-making. So it is important to identify them and respond to them.
The following perspectives are not clinical advice: they are informed by conversations with professionals and personal observations. Think of them as a reflection on how we find the balance between coddling ourselves and avoiding challenges vs. holding ourselves to harsh unrealistic expectations that don't offer constructive paths of learning.
Learning to Dialogue with Yourself: Your Journey to Positive Self-Understanding and Growth
Over the years, the concept of self-care, as explored through therapy, counseling, and other mental health efforts, has evolved significantly. This evolution seems to have occurred in 4 waves of advice, each bringing a useful and different way of understanding ourselves and managing our inner dialogue.
I hope these thoughts on waves of self care I've observed over the years, can offer a path for continuing to learn about ourselves.
Wave 1: Ignore the Negative Voice
This was the first wave of advice I absorbed in my younger years. I remember someone said "Whenever you set out to do something you're going to have this little voice in your head saying 'you can't do it' or 'you don't deserve it'."
Their point was, when you hear a voice of negativity or fear within yourself, you have to just ignore it, and keep working hard and moving forward.
This was the self-help era, and for me and probably many others it was empowering to reduce everything to a choice of action over inaction. However, as time went on, I think we started learning that ignoring a part of ourselves can backfire and might not be the healthiest long-term solution.
Wave 2: Acknowledge the Voice
The next wave of advice shifted towards acknowledging the narratives of negativity or fear. Instead of suppressing them, this approach encouraged us to recognize and validate our feelings. Doing this opens the door to self-compassion and curiosity. This wave invited us to explore the origins of our fears, which often lead to realizations about past traumas or experiences that shaped our inner narratives and outlook on life. For many this kind of introspection gave them a significant step forward, helping connect the dots between their past and present emotions.
Wave 3: Respond to the Voice
The third wave goes beyond mere acknowledgment to a constructive dialogue. It suggests that we should engage our inner narratives in a compassionate yet assertive way: "OK I realize I feel this way because of this past event (of failure, humiliation, feeling unsafe, etc), but I'm not in that same position anymore (because I've learned, or I'm in a different place now etc)." When faced with thoughts of inadequacy, one may respond by affirming their strengths and reminding themselves of their worth. This approach recognizes that the narrative and its feelings are part of us, and stem from our own past experiences, but we remain in control of how we respond and what we choose to believe.
Wave 4: Refine and Tune the Voice
This fourth wave is kind of where I see myself and others starting to learn - taking self-dialogue to a level where we not only respond to our inner voice but also refine it— like tuning a radar. Our brains pick up signals and translate them into narratives because they're designed to protect us. This approach recognizes that fact, and then seeks to harness it for our benefit. If we set clear criteria for what we allow our inner voice to focus on. Whether through writing or thought processes, the spirit of this approach is "I'm glad you're alert to these kinds of concerns, what I specifically want to be on the lookout for is _____."
For instance, instead of letting the voice amplify baseless fears, we can direct it to alert us to genuine risks, such as being overly trusting in a new partnership or missing subtle cues from key stakeholders.
By consciously tuning our "intuitive radar," we can better navigate complex situations, enhancing our self-awareness and intuitive decision-making.
Embracing the Journey
As we move through these waves of self-understanding, the key is to remain open to growth. Each wave builds on the previous one, offering new tools to dialogue with ourselves in a more positive, compassionate, and constructive way. By refining our inner voice, we not only learn more about ourselves but also sharpen our intuitive powers, enabling us to respond to the world around us with greater clarity and confidence.
In essence, the journey of learning to dialogue with yourself is about transforming an often critical inner voice into a source of wisdom and guidance. It’s about recognizing that while our fears and doubts may have roots in the past, we have the power to shape our present and future. By engaging with ourselves in this way, we can turn our inner dialogue into a force for personal growth and self-discovery.
I hope you find this helpful as you navigate the work and decisions of your coming week!
Ralph
Member discussion